Every morning feels like some sick, perverted game show of "Where am I Going to Hurt Today?!" I never know from one day to the next where the neuralgia and tremors may strike. Some days it's bilateral; other days it's in the diodes down the left side of my body (as Marvin says). Yesterday it was my knees and ankles. Today it's all in my shoulders and elbows, leaving my essentially unable to move my upper body. Oh yeah, and my head hurts too, since my last injections were on Friday morning. Where's it going to hurt tomorrow? No one knows! At least the tremors in my right hand and lower arm are predictable - it's all the time.
Then there's the waiting game. Patrick heard back from Dr Ducic on Monday afternoon that I've been accepted as a candidate for his nerve decompression surgery. Now we're in the submit all the paperwork and wait for an appointment stage. Frankly, it's worse than when we hadn't heard back yet.
I can't even permit myself to have any sense of hope or optimism. I've always been the type to not have expectations so I don't get let down; if I do have any expectations I plan for the best. That way, if something good happens I can enjoy it. It's easier that way and I get hurt less often and less severely.
Really, I'm not having any fun at all.
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