We were expecting the insurance company to deny coverage for my surgery. Insurance is a constant go around, and I almost never have a doctor's visit without angry phone calls, let alone specialist visits. So I didn't even for a minute dare to think that they might even consider approving the surgery.
But I didn't realise how devastated that denial would make me feel. It makes me feel so small, so worthless, so unimportant. Is my life not worth their time or money? Is my quality of life so far gone that I can't get it back? I've already done so much work in preparing to fight a denial, but it doesn't seem to matter at all.
Does any of it matter anymore?
I don't have anything to be thankful for this year. I can't even be thankful for my health, the smallest, most seemingly unimportant blessing.
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